piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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