The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Let's paint friendship bongs
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
