i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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