my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
