tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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