Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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