Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
