We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So vagazzling was a success
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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