if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
