That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I won the penis lottery.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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