Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
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Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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