Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
