Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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