Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
