if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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