Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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