Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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