it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
