I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
