I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
being pregnant is like rehab
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
