I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
