When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
