just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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