I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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