how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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