Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
