people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize