please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
