pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
PANTIES FOUND
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