My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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