Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
