I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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