my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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