He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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