I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
