At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My pussy is not your playground.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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