Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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