I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
