yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
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Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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