There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize