well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
