She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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