Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
