you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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