At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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