Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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