I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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