mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
