we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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