the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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