i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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