everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
