tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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