AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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