I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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