Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
