I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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