I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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