every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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